Links for the rejected:

Hiring Manager: Looking at all of these resumes has helped me remember I have other things to do. Everyone else in the room: Excellent idea sir! Wasting time on other things RULES!

And the letter reads:

Dear Carolina Panthers Fan:

We are in receipt of your resume and your credentials are quite impressive. We will maintain your information on file for consideration for future openings that we feel match your qualifications.

Thank you for your interest in employment opportunities with the Carolina Panthers.

Human Resource Manager

EOE/Drug Free Workplace