Links for the rejected:

Employer: Where was that resume I told you to file? Can you bring it back with three additional copies? Employee: Oh, I am sorry. I thought when you said to file it, you meant throw it in the trash like always. Employer: Ah who am I kidding! We were just gonna hire someone else anyway. The janitor told me about his nephew, who has a computer.

And the letter reads:

Your Application Has Been Submitted XXXXXXXXXX The following is your confirmation number. Please save this number for future reference: xxxxxx

Thank you for your interest in this career opportunity at Cuyahoga Community College. Based on your responses to the questions on the employment application, you do not meet the required qualifications for this position. Please do not let this discourage you from applying for other positions that interest you as qualifications vary position to position.

Again, thank you for considering Cuyahoga Community College. We wish you success in your future endeavors.