Links for the rejected:

Employer: Where was that resume I told you to file? Can you bring it back with three additional copies? Employee: Oh, I am sorry. I thought when you said to file it, you meant throw it in the trash like always. Employer: Ah who am I kidding! We were just gonna hire someone else anyway. The janitor told me about his nephew, who has a computer.

And the letter reads:

Thank you for exploring job opportunities at CIGNA. Your resume was received and is now being reviewed. If your qualifications are appropriate for our current open Position(s), we will contact you directly. Otherwise, your resume will remain active for one year. However, feel free to apply for other positions that interest you in the future.

We appreciate your interest in CIGNA.

CIGNA Staffing
Corp.staffing2@cigna.com